when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
