this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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