worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
