i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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