i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
