I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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