Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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