I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
