i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
