A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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