Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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