I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so let's talk penis.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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