she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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