I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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