I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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