It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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