Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
