Me too!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
