pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
