Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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