Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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