i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
