Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
