He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
