did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
