If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
