Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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