why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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