Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
