But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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