I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
