Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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