i just had sex bonerless
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
