Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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