he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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