I want to walk on stilts...naked
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she peed on how many people?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
