I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why do cheetos always look like penises
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
