she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
