we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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