I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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