I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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