So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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