Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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