so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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