You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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