I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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