I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
