I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
