Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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