how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
