I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
