you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
