May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
