I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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