you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
