i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
