I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
